Why I hate Cycling...An occasional series

Before I came to Belgium I liked to ride my bike...no, I loved riding my bike. I enjoyed cycling so much that I splashed out £650 around 15 years ago for a Marin Mountain Bike, that's £75 in today's money! My feet have always been my preferred mode of transport but I would definitely say that my fiets is the second - see what I did there? English speakers please use the translation widget!
So I arrived in Belgium a confident and happy bike rider. That is until I saw that almost every male under the age of 50 that was riding a bike was wearing... LYCRA!
Just as the English male wears the shirt of his favourite football team, so the Belgian male wears the uniform of his favourite...erm...well actually I'm not sure what they represent. I actually think a certain type of man will wear lycra for the same reasons pretty, thin women wear short skirts...because they can! Let's face it, if I put on lycra shirt and shorts, I will look like a blue and white sausage!
Ok, jealousy isn't a good enough reason for hating cycling. One of the major reasons, but not by any means the main reason, I now hate cycling is because shortly after arriving in Belgium, I was asked if I would like to join a group of people who were having a sunday bike ride. Sure, I said, after checking to see what the match was on Prime sports. How long will it take?
"A couple of hours," was the reply. I should have asked how far because 5 hours later I was in the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced! I will leave the precise area to your imagination, reader! We rode 60kms, I think, into enemy territory, or Holland as I call it. I didn't enjoy myself because after 2 hours I was chanting mantras to help me get through the pain. My camera stayed in my pocket and I barely remember anything about my first trip to Holland...I seem to recall it was flat. We ended up in a small village drinking a beer made locally where I live! By the time we reached home I was riding side sadle and using my feet to propel the bike, rather than the pedals. That was the last time I ever rode my bike for pleasure. It sits in the garage, rusting away with the other 6 bikes...what's that all about? 7 bikes in our garage, it's like a retirement home for bikes!
But my main reason for hating Cycling will have to wait for another time.